Pride and Discouragement

I’m a good public speaker. I say that without reserve. I have few strengths, but I know that’s one of them. I’ve given talks on technology, on autism, on arts integration, and I’ve delivered more than a few sermons in my time. My style is fast-paced, witty, sometimes appropriately sarcastic, and I enjoy ending on an inspiring note. In a sermon, I’ll seldom keep you sitting for longer than twenty minutes (thank you, Mark Twain), and I slave over having some of the best sermon slides you’ll see in a church of Christ. I take pride in my speaking ability. As I said, it’s one of my few real strengths.

I sometimes find it disheartening, then, how seldom I get to speak. Right now, we do not have an employed pulpit preacher at our congregation, and a group of men are distributing the preaching among a few guys in the congregation. I look at some upcoming topics, and I immediately think of the research I’ve done on that subject or how my line of work positions me perfectly to address that issue, and then someone else gets picked to talk. Sometimes months go by between my being able to exercise my one strong talent.

And it rankles when I feel passed over. I have to check my attitude when I see individuals who are not very good public speakers get placed in the pulpit again and again while I merely sit and take notes for the congregational blog, at times desperately trying to reword parts of their lessons to better communicate the points they are making. Then the speaking list for the next couple of months appears, and I see myself not on it again. I feel I’ve been punched in the stomach.

What sours my attitude all the more is that, in my own head, I think I know who is discouraging my inclusion as a speaker, and I think I know why – which leads to battling feelings of bitterness and resentment. I have to stop and check my attitude during Bible class, during meetings, even during social events. I’ve also had to quell a certain amount of internal participation discouragement in general, a feeling that makes me want to withdraw from participating altogether, so maybe I’ll stop accidentally reinforcing those negative stereotypes I think others have of me. I think, “If they’re just going to assume this of me anyway, why bother?”

But the truth is, I have to remind myself it comes down to pride. Yes, I’m a pretty good speaker – certainly better than average. But that should not afford me special treatment. I John 2:16 reminds us that pride is of the world; it has nothing to do with spiritual service. Mark 7:22 says that pride defiles a man, and Proverbs 29:23 says pride will ultimately bring you low. That’s what pride is doing to me when I let these things discourage me, when I let pride tell me that I don’t want to lead worship, or lead Bible class, or participate in other ways because that pride has been hurt.

What ways do you find pride getting in the way of your own godly service? In what ways do you catch yourself putting self before Christ? There are many ways our pride can misguide us, but we just have to be reflective, knowing that God lifts up the humbled heart, that he exalts the prostrate spirit. I think I know where I have to overcome pride in my own life. Where do you face similar challenges?

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